Act IV, Scene 4

A street

[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer]

Antipholus of Ephesus - Fear me not, man; I will not break away: I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money, To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood to-day, And will not lightly trust the messenger That I should be attach'd in Ephesus, I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.

[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end]

Here comes my man; I think he brings the money. How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

Dromio of Ephesus - Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

Antipholus of Ephesus - But where's the money?

Dromio of Ephesus - Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

Dromio of Ephesus - I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

Antipholus of Ephesus - To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

Dromio of Ephesus - To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.

Antipholus of Ephesus - And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.

[Beating him]

Officer - Good sir, be patient.

Dromio of Ephesus - Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

Officer - Good, now, hold thy tongue.

Dromio of Ephesus - Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

Dromio of Ephesus - I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an

ass.

Dromio of Ephesus - I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep; raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

[Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH]

Dromio of Ephesus - Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the rope's-end.'

Antipholus of Ephesus - Wilt thou still talk?

[Beating him]

Courtezan - How say you now? is not your husband mad?

Adriana - His incivility confirms no less. Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand.

Luciana - Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

Courtezan - Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!

Pinch - Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.

Antipholus of Ephesus - There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

[Striking him]

Pinch - I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight: I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!

Antipholus of Ephesus - Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.

Adriana - O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

Antipholus of Ephesus - You minion, you, are these your customers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house to-day, Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut And I denied to enter in my house?

Adriana - O husband, God doth know you dined at home; Where would you had remain'd until this time, Free from these slanders and this open shame!

Antipholus of Ephesus - Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

Dromio of Ephesus - Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?

Dromio of Ephesus - Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.

Antipholus of Ephesus - And did not she herself revile me there?

Dromio of Ephesus - Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

Dromio of Ephesus - Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.

Antipholus of Ephesus - And did not I in rage depart from thence?

Dromio of Ephesus - In verity you did; my bones bear witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

Adriana - Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?

Pinch - It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein, And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.

Adriana - Alas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

Dromio of Ephesus - Money by me! heart and goodwill you might; But surely master, not a rag of money.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

Adriana - He came to me and I deliver'd it.

Luciana - And I am witness with her that she did.

Dromio of Ephesus - God and the rope-maker bear me witness That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

Pinch - Mistress, both man and master is possess'd; I know it by their pale and deadly looks: They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day? And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

Adriana - I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

Dromio of Ephesus - And, gentle master, I received no gold; But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.

Adriana - Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all; And art confederate with a damned pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me: But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes That would behold in me this shameful sport.

[Enter three or four, and offer to bind him.]

[He strives]

Adriana - O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.

Pinch - More company! The fiend is strong within him.

Luciana - Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

Antipholus of Ephesus - What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou, I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue?

Officer - Masters, let him go He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

Pinch - Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.

[They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus]

Adriana - What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

Officer - He is my prisoner: if I let him go, The debt he owes will be required of me.

Adriana - I will discharge thee ere I go from thee: Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it. Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd Home to my house. O most unhappy day!

Antipholus of Ephesus - O most unhappy strumpet!

Dromio of Ephesus - Master, I am here entered in bond for you.

Antipholus of Ephesus - Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

Dromio of Ephesus - Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master: cry 'The devil!'

Luciana - God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

Adriana - Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.

[Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and Courtezan]

Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

Officer - One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?

Adriana - I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

Officer - Two hundred ducats.

Adriana - Say, how grows it due?

Officer - Due for a chain your husband had of him.

Adriana - He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

Courtezan - When as your husband all in rage to-day Came to my house and took away my ring— The ring I saw upon his finger now— Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

Adriana - It may be so, but I did never see it. Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is: I long to know the truth hereof at large.

[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse]

Luciana - God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.

Adriana - And come with naked swords. Let's call more help to have them bound again.

Officer - Away! they'll kill us.

[Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse]

Antipholus of Syracuse - I see these witches are afraid of swords.

Dromio of Syracuse - She that would be your wife now ran from you.

Antipholus of Syracuse - Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence: I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

Dromio of Syracuse - Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold: methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and turn witch.

Antipholus of Syracuse - I will not stay to-night for all the town; Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

[Exeunt]